IN MEMORY OF JACK VINCENT 1941-2008

Never Say Goodbye
IN MEMORY OF JACK VINCENT

1941—2008

My thought was: I would not write a greeting for 2008. However, after some time and receiving such an outpouring of love from family and friends, I decided to write and reflect on the beauty Jack and I shared in 2008. As most of you know, Jack died on November 23, 2008 at 6:40 am; I was able to lie beside him saying words of love as he occasionally was able to squeeze my hand. His final departure came quickly and painlessly. He knew, and I knew, the time had come. We had 36 hours to express our love and both daughters; Cloe and Julia, sister, Terri and a few friends where able to share his final hours. Jack would want me to say to each of you: “Your buddy—Jack is just fine.”

He had outlived his expiration date and far beyond his own expectations. His body was closing down; but his heart and soul were present with us to the end. In his last months he turned his thoughts outward, showering me with love; he seemed to have a greater sense of appreciation for everything, and especially the little things. Regularly he woke up saying, “Well, another day—what can we do to have some fun?”
In the fall of 2007, we saw the movie “Bucket List.” Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman entertained us with inspiration to live fully in whatever time we have left. Jack made his list and we set out to do it all. Early January 2008 we found ourselves in Lima, Peru. He stayed in Miraforas, the most beautiful part of Lima . . . on the beach in one of the most beautiful settings in the world, while I wandered off to Cusco for a couple of days to check on the two orphanages which SOFTLY had decided to support in 2007. The wonderful time was laced with challenge. Jack was hospitalized in Lima; he knew his body was growing weaker. His complications were so many; Every new doctor seemed to find a new and different diagnosis.
Each new doctor tried to figure out how to “fix him” Jack knew he could not be fixed. At best, they nursed him back to being able to function. So we went from Lima to Miami . . . again, he was hospitalized in Miami. He had little pain; he was just weak and lacked stamina. Lima to Miami was easy; Jack was determined to enjoy everything possible. I’m not sure why we were upgraded to first class, but we were on our return flight. What a perfect ride!

In Lima the doctors said he had a heart problem, in Miami they thought it was a lung problem. Jack understood his situation but he was determined to stick to his plan and enjoy his trip. So Pendrays here—we come. Low and behold the Pendrays are nursing a diabetic dog, the diabetic dog was in excellent hands, with a little honey, lots of attention, and the love of Jack and Linda that dog may outlive us all. JP seemed to be the dog diabetic expert. However, as for JV was obviously the best living example of how to live with long term diabetes. Jack loved his Diabetic doctor, Diana McNeill of Duke University, she had served him well for over ten years and he had the greatest of confidence and respect for this brilliant woman. He looked to her for assistance as he continued to manage his long term diabetes. A Type 1 diabetic, fifty-seven years ago, was given little hope of living a long and normal life. Nonetheless, Jack died with 2 legs, 2 eyes with good sight, kidneys that still functioned; he raised his kids with tremendous love and lived to see five beautiful, healthy grandchildren. Plus, he created a life that he loved.
Now back to the Bucket List—he wanted to do it all. We spent the month of March in Costa Rica, we enjoyed rocking chairs and morning coffee looking out at the Adrenal Volcano, and we were entertained in style by buddies Guy and Marney Hesse. Jack loved the Irazu hotel where we have stayed for over 10 years. While I was off bed building with two different groups, he lounged around the hotel. The staff knew us well, as we have taken hundreds of volunteers to build beds and play in this beautiful country. The weather was perfect; Jack was in high spirits. However, he was becoming more dependent on a wheelchair or a walker for moving around.

He loved the youth group from Unity of Fairfax. No one knew and loved our philosophy of lifting children from the ground into a bed better than Jack. Change the life of a small child, one child after another and together we can change the world, as Jack liked to say!
Spring found us heavily involved in politics, and working on campaigning and mainly creating some awesome new friends, especially Kevin and Maureen—transplants from New York who were learning to adapt to “Southern hospitality” as were Jack and I. Kevin, a type 1 diabetic of only 40 years, missing one leg but remembering all the better things it takes to enjoy life at its best. Jack and Kevin shared a unique bond. Maureen is a match for any good wit, a sharp minded New Yorker who is comfortable in her own skin while battling the debilitating effects of MS.

Back to the Bucket List—and Broadway . . . Jack loved Broadway and stage productions. He had been on a stage crew in high school and the fascination stayed with him. He was born an artist—from puppet making, puppet shows, stain glass, woodworking, and watercolor painting to designing our first bed for the children in Costa Rica. The artist enjoyed Broadway. Again, the trip was possible with the help of a wheelchair, if you know New York . . . the streets may be short, but the avenues are long. God and friends helped to orchestrate the perfect trip. Good buddy, Diane Scribner Clevenger has a now grownup son, working on Broadway. At the time he was on a production staff of Rent. He managed our great tickets and a friend of his who is in production of the View, managed to get us perfect seats, a few feet from Jack’s all time favorite Whoopi Goldberg!

WOW—Jack talks to Whoopi during a break, told her of his B.L.—so she says, “Would you like to see Morgan Freeman, he is now on Broadway in Country Girl.” Five minutes later, an assistant hands us two perfect tickets for the evening production of Country Girl. To wrap things up, nothing like the Phantom. We had seen Phantom of the Opera for our 30th anniversary and Jack wanted to see it one more time. The entire trip was a living miracle. We had taken the train from Union Station /DC to Penn Station/NY and stayed at our favorite hotel on Broadway and 7th Avenue. Life is always enriched by good friends and a tremendous amount of determination. Jack wanted to live fully with all the time he had left. It was a very good year, but Jack’s saga doesn’t end there.

We were back in Costa Rica in July for another bed build. I was bed building; Jack was enjoying hanging out and visiting with the group who accompanied us on the bed build. Jack’s list included an electric scooter; well we managed that as well, a ten speeder no less. It was great fun. We bought it used, bought a new battery charger and two powerful batteries, our girls bought their dad a ramp so we could maneuver it in and out of the van.

The next major item on his list was to return to the Boundary Waters of Northern Minnesota, where his family vacationed since he was four years old. His best memories of his father as he was growing up were in a beautiful spot on Lake Burnside/Camp Van Vac. We continued the summer tradition as frequently as possible with our own girls as they were growing up. The climate in that part of the country isn’t exactly friendly in early October, especially if one decides to maintain the tradition of cabins with no heat, no indoor facilities and the outhouse a good trek away. Jack and I knew if he was to live this dream, it could not wait until next summer. It was obvious to both of us that his time was running out. With humor and great determination, he had a fabulous journey back to his childhood. Jack decided this should be the final resting place for his ashes. A commitment I plan to fulfill next summer.

We have so many beloved ones to thank . . . the Gourmet group has been a rock of love and support, not just in 2008 but for over 30 years . . . there are so many of you . . . you know who you are . . . you have loved us through it all . . . we have seen it in your eyes, I could feel the pain of big ole burly buddies wanting to help Jack up steps, not wanting to show their pain. Believe me we knew, Jack never felt sorry for himself, he played the hand he was dealt and loved the world for it. In our greatest hour of need sister Terri appeared and brother Grant was a constant loving brother as no other could be.
From insulin pump to brain shunt, he became my Bionic Man . . . proud, talented, and loving life to the very end. I am so happy that he maintained his independence to the end and that I could have the honor of having him die in my arms, laying beside him, stroking his face, and holding hands as we had done from the age of fifteen.

So many years ago he made the mistake of telling my sister, Terri, that she was funnier than me, but I always knew he loved me more than life itself. Jack’s last year was lived with a lesson we should all learn—live life to its fullest, appreciate every day and make the most of it. I love you all and please remember “Jack is just fine and I am as well.” I am glad he passed so close to Thanksgiving, because I will have this extra special time of giving thanks for 47 years of marriage to a wonderful person who loved me beyond my greatest dream. So, celebrate with me, a life well lived—of my beloved Jack.

-Eloise

Authentic (for Jack)

How can it be

Wood, shaped with heart

Glass cut to form

Roses that tell of truth

Truth at the center

Breath raw, raspy

Gurgle—a whisper

Authentic ‘til the end

-- Maureen McMahon, January 2009